[Protect them by staying alive. He tries the thought on for size and can't quite figure it out. He helps his friends by staying alive, yes. There's a sometimes-surprising amount of people who would be upset if he was to die.]
How does my staying alive help? Unless it's the target on my back that's... distracting?
[He's gotten better at dealing with the hate directed his way, and sometimes knowing that his being alive makes their day worse makes his better. So many have tried to kill him. They've all failed, and most of them are dead instead.]
I've gotten particularly good at still drawing breath. Even when it's hard to breathe.
[Like now, as he finishes filling one pack with shaky hands and closes it up before moving on to the second and frowning at it. What else would help? They may be at the end of what will really make a difference and he stills, swallowing hard. It's out of his hands as soon as he hands the packs over. There's nothing else he can do and it's another layer of helplessness.
Anders looks over at Teren.]
I need to find a way to secure the mages against a repeat of this. A cure, a return to Darktown to... to save who I can, and then... Maker, there's always more.
[She rolls her eyes, more from weariness than irritation.]
Because the longer you stay alive, the longer you're around to offer your aid, [Teren explains patiently,] so spare the gloom and doom and get to work. Yes?
[She's been filling packs according to his instructions, helping with the busywork and keeping everything organized and well-placed so there's no undue stress.]
[One thing at a time. It never feels like there's time for that, but trying to do too many things does trip him up. Anders takes a shaky breath and starts shouldering the packs.]
After this... I have to find a way to protect my people, Teren. I know you don't, don't trust magic. Or mages. But will you help me? Please? You've seen more of the world, know more of politics...
[He looks at her, a short pause in all the franticness. Never before has he wanted to hug her as much as he does in this moment. Her friendship is there. Completely. She's there.]
I... I don't know.
[It feels cheap in his mouth, and the exhaustion that he uses to justify it feels even more cheap.]
Because I'm not thinking right now.
[That feels a little closer to adequate as he leads the way out.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-02-10 08:50 am (UTC)How does my staying alive help? Unless it's the target on my back that's... distracting?
[He's gotten better at dealing with the hate directed his way, and sometimes knowing that his being alive makes their day worse makes his better. So many have tried to kill him. They've all failed, and most of them are dead instead.]
I've gotten particularly good at still drawing breath. Even when it's hard to breathe.
[Like now, as he finishes filling one pack with shaky hands and closes it up before moving on to the second and frowning at it. What else would help? They may be at the end of what will really make a difference and he stills, swallowing hard. It's out of his hands as soon as he hands the packs over. There's nothing else he can do and it's another layer of helplessness.
Anders looks over at Teren.]
I need to find a way to secure the mages against a repeat of this. A cure, a return to Darktown to... to save who I can, and then... Maker, there's always more.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-13 12:22 am (UTC)Because the longer you stay alive, the longer you're around to offer your aid, [Teren explains patiently,] so spare the gloom and doom and get to work. Yes?
[She's been filling packs according to his instructions, helping with the busywork and keeping everything organized and well-placed so there's no undue stress.]
One thing at a time. Right now we're doing this.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-20 09:22 am (UTC)After this... I have to find a way to protect my people, Teren. I know you don't, don't trust magic. Or mages. But will you help me? Please? You've seen more of the world, know more of politics...
no subject
Date: 2018-02-24 05:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-02-24 06:25 am (UTC)I... I don't know.
[It feels cheap in his mouth, and the exhaustion that he uses to justify it feels even more cheap.]
Because I'm not thinking right now.
[That feels a little closer to adequate as he leads the way out.]